CREA
TRAPS
COMMON MYTHS, MISTAKES & RED FLAGS
Doing Too Much, Too Fast
It can be tempting to want quick results, especially when we're suffering. And while "radical transformation" does happen, it often does not hold for long without the support and tools we need to integrate our healing for the long run. And it comes with a lot of risk.
There are countless cases of people who experience
serious mental breakdowns, psychosis, and other mental health issues from doing too much too fast. Getting burnt out from healing work is also common when we try to do too much. This is another great example of why working with a licensed, certified, and/or highly skilled professional with a very good reputation is so important. Visit the mini safety guide here for more.
Trusting Social Media
Healing is a highly personal process. What works for you or is beneficial for you may not be for someone else. It could even be harmful. Social media is full of "advice". And while there are some great therapists that use platforms to share information,
it's easy to fall for the fake stuff or try something that really isn't compatible with your needs. There are fake accounts and scams everywhere. AI is getting more advanced by the day.
Toxic Positivity and Toxic Wellness Culture
This is especially problematic in the spiritual-self help community.
"We are swimming in a sea of helpers. And as trauma survivors, they are selling the life we want. Who doesn't want to raise their vibration and have more energy? Who doesn't want to manifest financial security and a loving partner? Who doesn't want to live in a yurt on a Hawaiian beach and eat vegan? But our trauma makes us vulnerable to magical thinking (bypassing and bulldozing). Hard truth - I was only able to create the life I have through doing deep trauma work on my childhood trauma. There's no way around it.
The way through pain is through pain.
Save your money. Find a solid therapist or codependency coach (someone competent) and work on your inner child and your trauma about why you choose unavailable people. And yes I get it that the therapy world is far from perfect too. Are they all like that - no? Do I use holistic practices such as Reiki and try to raise my energy? Yes, but they’re not the right tools for trauma. You can raise your vibration from a workshop, but it quickly dissipates, and we're back to dealing with our unfinished business from our trauma." -Patrick Teahan
Seeing "Setbacks" As Failures
Healing is often not a linear process. And sometimes when we start doing healing work, things feel worse before they feel better. This is very common. When we have rigid ideas or expectations about what the healing process is "supposed" to be like, it can create even more suffering. Shame, frustration, and disappointment are part of the human experience.
But they can take over and hijack our ability to focus on the path forward, leaving us stuck in a spiral of self-loathing. Contraction and expansion are normal. This is often called pendulation in Somatic Therapy. See here for Peter Levine's explanation. Even the healthiest and the most skilled healers will tell you,
setbacks/regression and mistakes are part of the process.
Heal Until I'm "Cured" "Whole"
Just like the physical body encounters wounds on a regular basis,
the healing process is a lifelong adventure.
There is no "I've arrived, now I'm done". There is more connection, more health, more vitality, more integration, more love for life, more capacity to enjoy living etc. I've had many mentors say the same thing, healing unfolds in layers. And after 10 yrs of testing that, I believe it to be true. I like to think of healing like an infinite cake, or an onion (whatever you prefer). It's about peeling back the layers. This can seem a little overwhelming at first, the idea that this healing stuff is forever?! But often, you don't have to go through as many layers as you think you do before you start seeing a huge difference, and you're living a life that you deeply love. The rest is just a bonus.
"Fix It" Blinders
It can be easy to fall into the trap of being consumed with the need to "fix". If I just do this one more thing, If I just pay for this next course, If I just do one more retreat etc. Ironically, many people begin to realize that so much of the healing process is learning to love ourselves and the world exactly as we are/where we are. It doesn't mean that moving forward in our healing process isn't important.
But it can be a trap to become consumed/ obssesive with "doing" and getting stuck on the rat wheel of "self-improvement" "fixing" and "optimization".
So much of the healing we experience has nothing to do with a method, practice, or book. Play is healing, time spent in nature is deeply healing, time spent doing absolutely nothing or resting is critical for healing.
Diagnosis Attachment/Identity
Getting a medical diagnosis for a physical or mental condition can be both beneficial and destructive. Initially, we may experience relief and gain access to support or resources that can help. But its effects on the psyche and our ability to heal can be damaging. The truth and the reality is, there are hundreds, if not thousands, of documented cases of people recovering from things that every medical professional they saw told them was "incurable" or "terminal". Yes, not everyone recovers. But things that defy the odds happen every day. We can give ourselves the chance to embrace the possibility of recovery, even in the most dire of circumstances, without creating false hope. The placebo effect is very real. But it works both ways.
If we convince ourselves that there is no chance of recovery, then we can unintentionally deprive ourselves of that very real possibility.
Cultish Red Flags/Abuse of Power
Some healing methods and practices seem to have a "cult" following.
Anyone who claims to have all the answers, or that their method is the only way or the best way is a red flag. Trying and experiencing different methods that can support our healing is also a way of lowering our risk of being taken advantage of emotionally and financially. Unfortunately, things like Ayahuasca retreats, are turning ancient indigenous practices into tourist traps full of sexual abuse and abuse of power. Be extremely cautious when considering attending any kind of ceremony or retreat. Shamans and gurus are also a high risk for abuse of power. Visit this article here for more.
Mistaking Resistance for Intuition
Change is uncomfortable. Something new can even be perceived as a threat to our nervous system even if it's really beneficial for us. Experiencing what is often called "resistance" or avoidance to the healing process is normal, expected even. Visit the nervous system min guide to learn more about resistance here.
It can be easy to confuse this form of resistance with "intuition" and talk ourselves out of trying something that could really help us. Learning about resistance and how to understand what the sensations in our body are trying to tell us through things like somatic therapy can help us discern/tell them apart. Sometimes healing doesn't feel very good initially. Working with a licensed therapist/practitioner can help us decide if something is beneficial or not.
Comparing Your Progress To False/Unhealthy Expectations
This is a big one. Let's say you had a friend who had been in a coma for 5 yrs. You visited them every week even though the doctors said they would "likely" never recover. One week, when you came to visit, you saw them in a wheelchair, conscious, just as you had remembered them. You might feel excitment beyond anything you have ever experienced. There could be celebrations and intense feelings of gratitude. It could even be considered a miracle. Now let's say you walk into a hospital, and you suddenly see some disheveled person in a wheelchair, looking pale and sickly. You might think to yourself, that's awful. Little do you know, this person has just woken up from a 5 yr coma. This is the healing process. It's relative to you. Not to anyone else.
Your incredible progress and experiences may not look like the perfect example of health, sometimes they look far from it.
People around you may not understand what you're going through, or how far you've come just to be where you are. Connecting with support groups can help with this.
Detachment
When we're faced with the challenges of feeling unsupported or let down by either friends, family, a partner or our therapist, it can be tempting to detach from relationships with people in general. To buy into the idea that we don't need anyone's help. That we have everything we need ourselves. And while there is deep wisdom in seeing the universe encapsulated in our very being,
relational trauma requires relational healing.
It is far more beneficial to work on processing the grief that comes with loss or disappointment than to detach oneself from needing relationships. As humans, we are relational by nature. The right help and the right support system is there, it might just take some time, trial and error to find.
Pushing Others To Do Healing Work
As we intentionally explore and embrace healing work, we may begin to experience incredible things. And naturally, we will want to share our discoveries with those around us. There can be a fine line between sharing something and pushing it onto someone who isn't ready to receive it. Watching those we care about, watching anyone for that matter, suffer can be extremely painful. We may feel anxious and want to do something about it. We may feel resentful or frustrated if they do not accept the help we would like to offer them.
We can encourage, inspire, and support people to focus on their healing, but we can not shame, push, or trick people into it.
We are all in different stages of our understanding. Sometimes we're ready to experience something new, sometimes we're not. Attending grief support groups or processing these painful experiences with a therapist can help us learn how to offer help to those that are ready, and how to be a peace with those that are not, including ourselves.
