Start with Subtle & Gentle

​

While intense practices and peak experiences (such as a major emotional breakthrough or release) have their place, emotional healing unfolds in a very similar way to physical healing. We would never ask someone who is just starting to recover from a major car accident that affected most of their body to start jogging because it's good for them. To prevent injury and overwhelm, we

build up the skills, support, and strength we need first before engaging in more intense practices. And sometimes while doing this, we may even become surprised to discover that subtle practices can be even more powerful, especially in the long run.

Consistency is key.

​

 

​

Practice Being Skeptical, Safe & Curious, Open 

​

Curiosity is one of the most beneficial qualities when it comes to our healing process. But it's important to also be cautious and aware of any red flags along the way.

This may seem like a contradiction at first but with a little practice it will become easier and easier and it will serve you immensely. It might feel like a lot of effort initially but just like driving a car, it can quickly become second nature. Some helpful tools are, whenever making a choice or decision to try something new, be it a new therapist, practice, or group activity, ask yourself "What red flags am I noticing? What green flags am I noticing?" "How can I be curious and safe while doing this?". All new things come with some degree of risk or red flags. It's not about finding something that's "perfect" or free of any red flags, but it's important to decide which red flags are deal breakers and which ones are just things to keep an eye on along the way. When it comes to being curious and open, we do not need to believe in something in order to try it. For example, you may be very skeptical and may not believe in energy work at all. But you can still be curious and try it anyway.

You do not have to "believe" something will work to try it or even benefit from it.

 

 

​

​

​​​

Treat Everything like it's a Skill

​

Because it is. We often approach different healing

practices like a magic wand. And we can give up

easily or be disappointed if it doesn't give us the

immediate results we want.

All skills need time, practice, and good mentorship to develop.

And all skills require making mistakes and adjusting as we go. Give yourself permission to make mistakes. Practice allowing mistakes to be a part of the process and not a reflection of your self-worth, ability, or that something isn't working. Learning how to reparent ourselves through Parts Work is especially helpful if we're very critical of ourselves. Being wrong can be great.

​

​

​​

Prioritize Relationship Over Results

​

Results can let us know if something is working or not. But so much of the healing process has more to do with our relationship with what's happening in the moment than the results we want. Relationship means how I'm treating myself/others when I'm/they are suffering.

When we have established healthy and loving relationships with our pain, our illness etc the results we're looking for often happen naturally, with more speed and ease.

​

Here's an example, let's say we've been experiencing panic attacks, maybe even for years. We've been doing lots of healing work and practices to help us heal from these panic attacks which can be debilitating. After months of hard work, and no panic attacks, all of a sudden we feel one starting... If we are "results" driven, we could feel overwhelmed with frustration, shame, or anger and even more panic in response to the panic attack. "All this work was for nothing, it's happening again!".

 

If we focus on our relationship, let's say with the panic attack, we focus on parenting ourselves with love and understanding. Just like a healthy parent would tend to a scared child, we approach our panic attack like a scared child. Allow it to happen, to express itself, and offer support and help. We may even say loving things to ourselves such as, it's ok, I'm here for you. Then later after the panic attack has passed we can comfort ourselves and then review what were some contributing factors. Was I overstimulated by something? Was a traumatic memory triggered? This shift in focus can powerfully help us heal on a very deep level.

​​​​​​​​​

​

​

​

Love, Love, and More Love

​

I am convinced that love truly is the most powerful force in existence. Love meaning to feel/be connected to/a part of. This state of connection naturally results in a deep caring for, nourishing, and deep appreciation or reverence. All the qualities we have come to associate with "love".

 

  This is also true when it comes to our healing. But when we're suffering, love can feel like a distant memory, a foreign feeling, or like it's impossible to experience. Maybe part of why we're suffering so much is because we received so little love. This is where support and understanding comes in. Understanding is like the bridge to love. The more we understand something, the easier it is to feel love towards/about it. Our bodies also have this incredible capacity for something called co-regulation. When we are around people or activities that are very loving, it can rub off on us. In many ways, we are like sponges.

 

Another thing that can be really helpful when love feels inaccessible try the ladder approach. Let's say that love is a spectrum of emotions on a ladder. At the top is love at the bottom could be emotions like indifference, hate, suffering, dislike. The next step up from that could be relief, something that gives you relief, the next step up from that could be, enjoyment, something you enjoy, and the next step up from that could be the love you feel for your pet or animals. The feelings of love grow stronger the higher up we go on this ladder.

Like starting a fire, start with a spark and then nurture that spark until it grows bigger and bigger. Sometimes we have to start at the bottom of the ladder and take our time working our way up. Sometimes we're at the top and then we slide back down again. That's ok, we as humans are cyclical in nature, both physically and emotionally.

​​

​

​

​

Alchemy can be Exhilarating

​

Healing is a form of alchemy. The process

of turning a wound into a state of

wholeness/connection. Sometimes when

we recover from an illness or emotional

wound, it can be easy to forget how bad we

felt and to take our state of wellness for granted. This is normal. We often don't appreciate what we have until it's not there anymore. One of the many benefits of doing healing work and intentionally participating in your healing process, is that any and all experiences of

healing can become profoundly exciting and exhilarating.

Things can truly begin to feel like miracles when we regularly stop to recognize how far we've come or when we watch interviews or hear medical cases of people who have recovered from things that seemed "impossible".

​

I highly recommend learning about real medical cases that defy all the odds. Be cautious and do some research since there are a lot of fake stories out there. One of my favorites is

the case of Anita Moorjani. Her incredible recovery and verifiable medical records have been heavily studied by Doctors and organizations all over the world.